6yo piece, Sat 19Mar2k5 “My Writer’s Task”

#8 write something about or compile from all of the above
#9 write a précis version of #8

>>#10 write a scripted version of it with at least two people in it all the time
GT, “Hi, is that Mr. Christian Hilton?”
CH, “Yes, this is he, to whom am I speaking?”
GT, “Well, good afternoon Mr. Hilton, I am Glenyss Throughput, secretary to the editor of the Standard”
CH, “Well hello, to what do I owe the pleasure of this call?”
GT, “Mr. Hilton, I am calling to see if you have a moment to spend discussing your recent submission to us regarding your ‘writer’s task’ and the content therein?”
CH, “Indeed I do, I would be delighted to discuss it”
GT, “Thankyou Mr. Hilton, I will just put you through to Mr. Dard’s office”
CH, “Thankyou”
[brief interlude with elevator music]
SD, “Mr. Hilton?, This is Mr Dard – I understand you are having some difficulty with the whole shebang – a matter of concern for those of us wholly supporting Mr. Blair’s policy of ‘hitting the ground running'”
CH, “Hello Mr. Dard, yes, you see that I am off guard by being launched simultaneously into this conversation without really knowing where you are going”
SD, “Ah, well, labour man you see, I’m staunching something by doing it – does that help?”
CH, “Hmmm, I’ll take your point and express concern then as I believe my submission to your office says I will”
SD, “Yes, it will say that, I have to agree – y’see I’m sure I can steer that bally thing anywhere – why aren’t you running in the election?  You’re at once moreish, boring and impossible to quieten, the whole piece positively roars PM – you done any civil service?”
CH, “Mr. Dard, I told your secretary that I would be delighted to discuss the piece and as yet we have not got to the delightful part, may I suggest that we do that now and consider it a civil service I am doing for you?”
SD, “Aha, I see you will stand by those words, very good – you won’t have to honour them, just look as miserable as you sound while I fire some questions at you, I’ll get the Blair physiognomy off your case, or face, in an instant…, delightful will be an understatement”
CH, “I thank you Mr. Dard – your magnanimity is surpassed only by your ‘on hold music'”
SD, “Mr Hilton, do you think that Mr Blair has a vendetta of any kind?”
CH, “I think if he has none then he is purged of them for his role and will earn them all back by having a public image”
SD, “So, if he has a public image, does he want to stock up on good vendetta material? type of question?”
CH, “I didn’t pose a question so much as express dissatisfaction and concern myself with publishing the Universal Party policies – but if Mr. Blair has a moment in politics with a vendetta, it will be a moment seized and exploited by every available member of the press, like every other moment we would like to criticise, regardless of agenda”
SD, “Okay Mr. Hilton let’s get down to the awesome fact – You are running in an election you can only support the outcome of whichever way it goes… do you know who that makes you in historical terms?”
CH, “I am being myself, I have thirty one years history of being myself and fewer years therein with a complete self-awareness of myself, but little has changed in my lifetime except my opinion to how the fabric of reality is suddenly torn off and re-papered with the new party colours, sometimes at a hideous cost to the electorate.”
SD, “Then if you had a vendetta, against who or what would it be?”
CH, “Myself”
SD, “Oh? I mean why?
CH, “It’s a quote, a bit cheesy but true all the same, – Others’ lives are the basis of your own – I should have found myself in there to my liking, I simply don’t and it has come about this way since the Blair Britain started, ahem, blaring”
SD, “I’m sure it has, listen, you write with a feeling that’s on the pulse, is this a masterpiece you been cooking for a while or did your typer just spew it out while you watched?”
CH, “In your terms, the latter – please don’t call it spewing, you’ll have me researching automatic writing again”
SD, “Heh, a deal for you then Christian, may I call you Christian?”
CH, “Well you’ll have to be very sure of never calling me Chris, I resent such low standards”
SD, “…Okay then Christian, you fight the good fight, here’s the moment of truth – …”
[the pause prompts CH to check he is still connected]
CH, “Mr. Dard?”
SD, “Please, call me Stan”
CH, “Mr. Dard – do you understand what I mean when I say others’ lives are the basis of your own?”
SD, “Oh yes, no fear – that’s the pulse I’ve been feeling, listen I’ve got to run with a big story, it really is big enough to cut this conversation short and regrettably I may not be able to get back to you for a while.  If you can keep me updated on the home front Christian, I’ll be very grateful”
CH, “Well that’s my prerogative Mr. Dard – I have drafted an application for recognition and appraisal of new job criteria outlining just that…  This of course means we are negotiating salary”
SD, “Sure we are, you’ll want me to call you Mr. Hilton next…”
CH, “You already do”
SD, “Yes, Mmm er, okay tell me what you have there”
CH, “The ‘Home Bearer’ – I will email it to you, it is nothing to behold as a stream of words pouring from your phone’s earpiece unless you take pleasure in the sound of writ”
SD, “Get it here this afternoon and the job’s yours”
CH, “You are certainly not pay rolling me without telling me what I earn”
SD, “Oh you do have a vendetta?”
CH, “No, nor a job – but I don’t go out for peanuts”
SD, “Why aren’t you self-employed?”
CH, “Why aren’t you running with a big story?”
SD, “Thirty Thousand plus expenses!?”
CH, ” – Oh, am I supposed to bite your hand off?”
SD, “I’ll bet you never earned that much in a year”
CH, “I’ll bet from the way you buttered me up, you never employed anyone who earned it”
SD, “My paper is reputable throughout Mr. Hilton”
CH, “Well thank you Stan – I believe you are contracting my soul for the duration, but it seems reasonable given my professional interests, I accept”
SD, “Son, you’ll be a father if you’re not careful”
CH, “Empathy sees me way beyond that – what do you need covering?”
SD, “We’re re-papering an electorate in the new party colours, big celebrations to start with, a new Conservative take on Britain’s affairs – always said they’d clinch it if Blair wanted another go or called it in late”
CH, “Few regrets though?”
SD, “Not my opinion that counts, get out there and grill the electorate, we need the facts”
CH, “Ok, I will if you say please”
SD, “I beg your pardon Mr. Hilton, your standards have surely stripped me of my office – please can you quiz the electorate and bring the facts to our readers?”
CH, “A Home Bearer Society has to be founded Mr. Dard and it needs a trustworthy Ombudsman, this is not part of the campaign trail I am on – it is it’s wake and a very sore looking lot in it”
SD, “… then send me the paperwork or what you’ve got and I’ll have it seen to…”
CH, “Thankyou Mr. Dard – it is delightful to know I can reach my fellow man and find a friend”
SD, “Yes, well thankyou – I look forward to it”
CH, “Bye for now”
SD, “Yes [smiles in realisation] goodbye”

[click buzzzzz]




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